Operation Xigbar
by Hikari-47-18
Summary: Axel agrees to help Demyx attempt to make Xigbar jealous-an onerous task considering they don't have hearts. Chaos ensues.


A/N: Okay, this completely ignores both Days and BBS. Probably; I haven't finished either yet. And it's also going to be an AU, though I have no idea where I'm going to end up with this. And it isn't mean to be taken seriously, in any way. Also, don't own. Yes. That is all.

Operation Xigbar

Chapter One: A Weird Beginning

Axel and Demyx sat on one of the comfy black sofas in the Castle's den, drinking soda, gossiping about other members, and trying to decide what to get Xemnas for Christmas (which the Superior insisted they celebrate despite their lack of hearts). Axel had been contemplating aloud on whether or not leather restraints were an appropriate gift when Demyx had suddenly asked for a very bizarre favor.

"You want me to do WHAT?"

Demyx stuck his lower lip out in a pout. "Oh, come on, Axel. I would do the same for you."

The redhead's eyebrows drew together as he glared. "This isn't _me_ we're talking about here. I can't think of a _single situation_ where I would need you to do that."

Demyx sighed and turned to face Axel more fully, tucking a socked foot under his thigh. His features had a slightly desperate look to them. "Please? It's not a big deal—"

"You want me to pretend to sleep with you! It _is_ a big deal!"

The musician stuck his lip out further and looked at him imploringly. "It's not really. I mean, it's just to make Xigbar jealous—"

Axel stared at him. "Demyx, we don't have hearts! We can't get jealous!"

Demyx ignored him. "—and after he gets jealous, and wants me back—"

"Dem…"

"—then you don't have to do it again. And you can tell Roxas that it's not real, so he won't get jealous—"

"We can't _get_ jealous!"

"—because I know he's good at keeping secrets. I'll owe you big time. Really. Whatever you want, I'll do it, no matter how weird or humiliating. If you want me to, I'll complete all of my missions naked! I'll wear a French maid's uniform when it's my turn to clean the kitchen! I'll be your _slave _for a_ month_! Three months! Please? _Please_?"

_Oh fuck._ Demyx's eyes shone like he might cry. _Which is stupid,_ Axel told himself, _because we_ can't_ cry. What's up with the way his lip's trembling? _He groaned and pressed his face into his gloved palm. He was going to regret it, but…"Why do you wanna make him jealous anyway?"

Demyx bounced off of the couch in his excitement. "So you'll do it then?"

"Maybe…" he said reluctantly. "Lemme hear the details first."

Demyx sat back down. "Xig's always taking me for granted. He acts like sex with me, spending time with me, is his _right._ And lately he's been treating me more like an object than a person—uh—almost person, whatever. Anyway, he doesn't know how good he has it. I figure once I'm 'with' you, he'll miss me, _beg_ me to come back to him, and start treating me better."

Axel snorted. "Uh-huh. That's a great plan, Dem, but you forgot one little detail: we—don't—have—hearts," he said with emphasis. "Because we don't have hearts, we don't have emotions. Jealousy is an _emotion_. Xigbar _can't_ get jealous, Dem. It's not possible."

The Nocturne just smiled at him. "We _don't_ have hearts," he agreed, "but that doesn't mean we don't have emotions. My theory is that they're just buried deep, _deep_ down."

Axel looked at him dubiously. "Oookaaay. Whatever you say, Dem."

"So you'll do it?"

The Flurry groaned again, resigned. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it, but you owe me; you said so yourself."

Demyx nodded seriously and then grinned. "Absolutely. Anything you want."

Due to other members' laundry habits—some sexual and some simply irritating—Axel and Roxas had picked a day and time to do their laundry when no one else would be in the laundry room. It was lucky that none of the rest of the Organization wanted to do laundry on Fridays, because it was the most convenient day for both of them—since, for some reason, neither ever had missions that day. It had quickly become routine for them to do laundry together right after lunch, so that they could get it out of the way and use the rest of the day to do whatever they wanted. They usually spent the time waiting on their clothes by talking and catching up on paperwork.

Axel hadn't been alone with Roxas in the laundry room for five minutes before the whole story spilled out of him.

The blonde looked at him incredulously. "So, let me get this straight. Demyx wants you to pretend to have sex with him. And he wants Xigbar to _overhear_ the two of you pretending to have sex."

"Got it in one." Axel loaded several pairs of brightly colored underwear into a washing machine and slammed the lid closed, before tossing his basket onto one of the long tables.

"And you're going to do it?" Roxas poured bleach into his load of whites.

"Yup."

The blonde snorted and turned to him. "_Why?_"

Axel laughed and hopped onto the table next to his basket. "Honestly? 'Cause he looked so fucking pitiful when he asked. But he'll also owe me a major favor. Having someone owe you is always nice."

Roxas joined him on the table, also laughing. "You know what I think?" He didn't wait for a response before saying, "I think you're both weirdos."

The Flurry poked him in the arm, grinning. "Not nice—but probably true."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "_Absolutely _true. He's weird for asking you to do weird stuff, and you're weird for agreeing to do the weird stuff." He smiled brightly at the redhead. "That said, I can't wait to see how this plays out."

Axel laughed again and wrapped his arm around the younger nobody. "Me either, baby. Hey, you'll get to listen too, y'know—Dem wants as many people as possible to hear us."

"Then I'll make sure to listen closely so I can jack off to the memory later," the blonde teased. "I bet you two have got this all planned out." He frowned down at the floor, before hopping off the table.

"Um…Axel?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"This is…_interesting._" Roxas held up something disturbingly pink and lacy. "Um, it's new, right?"

The Flurry's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "Uh, Rox, t-that—that's not mine."

Roxas immediately dropped the frilly underwear, a slightly sick look on his face. "Ew! Whose is it then?"

Axel hesitantly peered at the offending garment. "Since it's pink, I'm gonna say Marluxia's. He and Larxene did their laundry yesterday, remember?"

"Yeah." Roxas shuddered. "Ick, I can't believe I touched those."

Axel snorted. "I can't believe you thought they were _mine_." He hopped off the table and yanked a pen out of one of his pockets, using it to gingerly pick up the lingerie. He walked into a corner and dropped them into a large basket labeled LOST AND FOUND. "There we go. Out of sight, out of mind. So, what were you saying?" He climbed back onto the table.

"Your plan…?"

"Oh, right." Axel's eyes gleamed even more brightly than usual. "One of the rooms with the thinnest walls is the game room, right? And it shares a wall with the dining room, right? So…"

Roxas looked up at him, mouth quirking upward at the corner. "So, you're going to pretend to fuck while the rest of us are _eating_?"

Axel swung his legs back and forth, beaming. "Yup. Gonna do it during lunch tomorrow. We'll start as soon as you walk in."

Roxas stifled a laugh. "That's—that's really great, Ax. I'll make sure to sit right across from Xigbar to see his reaction. How're you gonna know when the others arrive, though?"

"That's where you come in, baby," he said, grinning. "When they come in, I want you to talk to Xemnas, loudly, so we can hear through the wall."

Roxas couldn't contain his giggles anymore. "Okay. What am I supposed to say?"

"Whatever; it doesn't matter. Ask him how his morning was or something. As long as Dem and I can hear you talk, it's fine."

Roxas lifted himself back onto the table. "Alright, then. Um, why Xemnas?"

Axel snorted. "Because he's so full of himself, he's the only one who won't be suspicious of you suddenly acting all friendly."

Roxas raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to say I'm not friendly or something?"

The redhead laughed. "Honestly? _Vexen's_ friendlier than you are, baby."

"That's not being friendly, Ax. That's kissing ass."

Axel slung an arm around a slender shoulder and nuzzled his cheek. "It seems to be working for him, though. Maybe you should try it sometime, huh? I'll let you practice with me, if you get my meaning." He wiggled his short eyebrows, grinning lewdly.

Roxas punched him in the arm playfully and laughed. "Not until we go back to your room." He shuddered, looking slightly green. "_Xemnas_ has sex in here."

Immediately after breakfast the next morning, Axel and Demyx met up in the Flurry's room to go over their plan one more time. They made themselves comfortable on Axel's bed and Demyx got right to business.

"So, I'll knock my hips against the wall to make it sound like we're really humping," he told Axel. "And don't forget to talk too, not just moan and crap. Be as realistic as you can. If you have to, close your eyes and imagine you're doing Roxas."

The redhead rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay," he said sarcastically. "As long as you don't mind me getting hard while we're faking it."

Demyx pointed a finger at him. "I don't care, as long as you're convincing." He looked thoughtful for a minute, tapping the same finger against his chin. "Actually, it might be better if both of us were hard."

Axel gave him a long, considering look. "You know, Roxas is right. You're weird—and I'm weird for agreeing to do this."

The musician pouted. "I'm serious, Axel. If we're actually turned on, it'll sound more real."

"Uh-huh." Axel gave him a slightly disturbed look. "I am _not_ spanking the monkey in front you, Dem."

Demyx sighed exasperatedly. "I didn't ask you to. Although…"

The Flurry grimaced. "I don't like that 'although.'"

"If we both got hard beforehand—"

Axel groaned and flopped backwards on the bed.

"—then we'd definitely sound more turned on. Don't you think?"

He inhaled and exhaled very slowly. _Roxas was _so _right. I've definitely got problems for agreeing to this. _"Sure. Whatever. I guess that's fine, as long as we won't actually have to see each other's junk."

"Awesome! So, what time do you want to meet in the game room?"

"About ten minutes before lunch. That's usually when people start going into the dining room."

Demyx nodded. "Okay. Sounds good to me. I'll see you then!"

As they waited for Roxas's signal, Demyx lounged against the thin wall that connected to the dining room and rocked his hips against it experimentally. His face lit up at the resulting _thud_.

Axel rolled his eyes from where he sat on the pool table. Demyx pouted at him, walked over to the card table and grabbed one of its folding chairs. He dragged it next to the wall and looked at Axel meaningfully. The redhead rolled his eyes again, but went to sit in the chair anyway. _I guess he wants to make sure Xig can hear me just as well as he can hear him._

The musician took up his previous position against the wall, looking so excited Axel wanted to hit him. "Are you hard, Ax?" he asked playfully.

"Yeah, you sicko. And I can see that _you_ are too. You're gonna give me a complex, you know that?"

Demyx looked way too pleased with himself. But before he could reply, Roxas cut him off.

"Hello Superior! Have you had a good morning?"

"That's the signal," Axel hissed.

Demyx's mouth stretched in a naughty, ecstatic grin, and in one smooth movement, he slammed his hips backwards. "Axel," he murmured breathlessly. "Oh, _Axel_."

Axel decided that this was, by far, the strangest thing he had ever done. Everything about the situation was ridiculous, even Demyx's voice—which sounded disturbingly realistic. Rolling his hips in a steady rhythm, the blonde released a breathy little "ah" of pleasure each time his ass thumped against the wall. He sounded so believable, Axel fought the urge to burst out laughing.

"Axel!" The Nocturne repeated, giving him a pointed look.

_Alright, alright, I get the message._ "Fuck," he murmured huskily. "Fuck, Dem. You're—you're so—fucking—_tight!_"

Demyx looked like he might go into hysterics. "That sucked," he mouthed with an exaggerated eye roll. "Pretend I'm Roxas."

Axel gave him the finger. "Fine," he mouthed back, leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes. He thought about the last time he'd had sex, picturing the way Roxas had looked, so flushed and wanton, so needy. He focused on the way his sweat-slicked skin had felt beneath his fingers, the way he'd tasted… A moan slowly bubbled out of his throat.

Demyx made a needy sound half-way between a whine and a groan. "Oh…oh!"

Axel tuned him out and imagined the way it felt when he sank into his lover. His breathing sped up and he groaned. "Yeah, oh yeah, that's it, baby." He thought about the way Roxas would tighten his muscles around him just to be a fucking tease, the way those big blue eyes would dance with delight as he bounced on Axel's cock. He hardened even further and moaned loudly. "Oh _fuck_!"

"Axel!" Demyx whimpered. "Axel! Oh, yes! R-right there!"

_I'm pretending to nail Dem's sweet spot._ He snorted._ Shit, Roxas is probably laughing his ass off right now. No! Don't think about that. Focus, have to focus._ He forced himself to concentrate on the fantasy of his lover. He imagined the way Roxas's mouth felt against his own, so soft, so sweet…The cute way he'd pull Axel's lip into his mouth and nibble on it. He groaned throatily.

"Yeah…oh _yeah_! So…so good."

No matter how many times Axel took him, Roxas always looked and sounded so shocked at the first thrust. His eyes would widen, the pupils dark and dilated. His mouth would fall open, pink lips shaping into a perfect O. And then he'd give a sharp gasp of pleasure that went straight to Axel's cock every time. "Fuck, baby! So fucking beautiful..." He wiggled around in his chair and adjusted the crotch of his pants.

Demyx raised an amused eyebrow and mewled like a kitten. "Say my name," he whispered.

"Demyx…Oh, fuck, Dem!"

"Axel! Ooh, Axel!"

He closed his eyes again, imaging Roxas giving him head. He could almost feel that mouth wrapped around him, so hot and wet. He pictured his dick sliding between stretched pink lips…the slick sound of it…Roxas's little choked off moans as he swallowed—

"_Axel!_"

The red-head's eyes snapped open at the volume of Demyx's cry. "What the fuck?" he mouthed, glaring. Aloud he said, "You like that, huh?" and forced out a low groan. "You like that, baby?"

"Yes!" Demyx fake sobbed. "Fuck, yes! Axel! Axel!" He grinned at the other nobody, giving him a thumbs up.

Axel flipped him off. _All right, it's on now. _"That's right! Say my name! Say my fucking name!"

Demyx pounded himself against the wall more quickly. "Axel! Oh, fuck! Axel! AXEL!"

"Yeah! Take it! Oh fuck, take it! You love it don't you?"

Demyx was outright slamming his ass against the wall now. "YES! Darkness, yes! Axel! Please! Harder! I want it harder!"

The Flurry looked at him incredulously, forcing out another low moan. "Fuck, Dem! Oh, fuck! You feel _so fucking good!_"

"Axel! A-axel!" Demyx looked like he was fighting the urge to giggle. "You're doing awesome," he whispered.

Axel gave him a wicked grin. "Fuck, _Demyx_! Oh fuck! Touch yourself! I wanna watch! Make yourself come for me, baby!"

The musician's eyes nearly bugged out. "Axel!" he whined. "Mmm! Ooh! Oh, _fuck_! Axel!"

"That's it," the redhead growled. "Just like that! Come for me!" Demyx made a low, desperate sound. "Fucking come for me, Dem!"

The Nocturne winked at him, threw his head back, and _screamed_. "Now it's your turn," he murmured. "Make it good." He knocked his hips against the wall again, more slowly, once, twice, three times.

Axel glared at him. "FUUUUCK!"

Demyx covered his mouth to contain his giggles and relaxed against the wall. He panted heavily. "Mmm…That…that was…"

Axel raised an eyebrow.

"They can still hear us," the blonde hissed.

"Fucking…_awesome_," Axel provided, keeping his voice as breathless as Demyx's. The redhead forced a chuckle. "Shit…I _really_ need…a shower. Wanna…join me?"

"Yeah." Demyx leaned close and murmured into his ear. "Now we can just portal out."

"Thank Darkness." Axel opened a portal into his room, pushing Demyx through in front of him.

"Hello Superior! Have you had a good morning?"

Xemnas turned to the youngest nobody, looking mildly surprised. "Hello XIII. I've had a _very_ pleasant morning, actually." He gave a predatory smile. "It _is_ laundry day, after all."

Roxas blanched. "Ah, y-yes, Superior."

_Thump. Thump-bump-bump—_

Vexen stiffened in his seat. "What's that sound?"

"What sound?" Zexion asked, settling in the chair next to him.

Xigbar plopped into the chair in between Xaldin and Saïx and Roxas quickly grabbed the one in front of him. "So, what's for lunch today, Xal?" One of the Free-shooter's hands crept towards the covered main dish, while the other picked up his fork.

Xaldin grinned. "Roast beef—with all of the sides."

Luxord took the seat across from Xaldin, next to Roxas. "It smells delicious, love."

_Thump-a-bump-a-bump—_

"_That_ sound!"

Zexion frowned and cocked his head.

Xigbar uncovered the dish and Xaldin stood to carve the meat. He slid the knife into the roast, the sharp steel slicing easily. Dark juice ran down the blade as he forked the first slice onto the Superior's plate.

_Thump-a-bump-a-thump—_

"What _is_ that?"

"I've no id—"

"**Axel. Oh, **_**Axel**_**."**

Xigbar dropped his fork. "Is that _Demyx_?"

"**Axel!"**

_Thump-bump-a-thump—_

Xaldin stiffened. "What the—"

"**Fuck."**

Roxas forced his face into a look of confusion, trying his best not to laugh. "What are they…?"

_Bump-thump-thump-a—_

"**Fuck, Dem. You're—you're so—fucking—**_**tight!**_**" **

"Oh my," Marluxia murmured, smirking.

Larxene giggled girlishly.

Xemnas raised his eyebrows and spooned gravy over his meat. "Please continue, Xaldin."

A needy moan reverberated throughout the room, closely followed by a high-pitched sound of pleasure. Xaldin purposefully ignored the noises and started slicing the meat again.

"**Oh…oh!" **

Vexen's hand twitched where he gripped a bowl of mashed potatoes. "They are _not_—"

_Thump-bump-bump-a—_

"**Yeah, oh yeah, that's it, baby."**

"They _are_," Saïx purred, pupils dilating. Roxas was slightly disturbed to see one of the Diviner's hands sliding under the table. He could guess what the blue-haired man was doing, but he didn't really want to.

Zexion inhaled deeply and his face flushed. "They certainly _smell_ like they are."

Roxas stiffened in his seat, head swiveling around to look at the Schemer. _'They smell like they are?' Okay…need to talk to Axel about _that. After Zexion's announcement and Saïx's covert whatever-it-was, it wasn't difficult to paint an irritated expression on his face.

"**Oh, **_**fuck**_**!"**

_Bump-a-thump-a-bump—_

Xaldin continued to disregard the activity in the next room, serving roast to the rest of them. He piled green beans onto a quietly seething Xigbar's plate before reaching the bowl to Xemnas.

Roxas looked at Xigbar from beneath his lashes, remembering Demyx wanted the Free-shooter's reactions. He had to hide his smirk at the thunderous expression twisting the older nobody's face.

Vexen passed the bowl of mashed potatoes to Zexion, looking slightly ill. "They must know that we're in here! We have lunch at the same time e_very_ day."

"Perhaps they've lost track of the time," the Schemer suggested.

"**Axel! Axel! Oh, yes! R-right there!" **

_Thump-a-bump-a-bump—_

"Green beans, Roxas?" Xemnas's voice sounded weirdly smoky—or smokier than usual, anyway. His smile was also seriously disturbing.

"Ah, yes, thank you, Superior." The blonde bit his lip to contain sudden nervous laughter_. _He accepted the bowl and dished out a spoonful before passing it on to Saïx, who grinned in thanks, showing his pointy white teeth. Roxas shuddered and tried to focus on his meal instead of his brain-meltingly freaky colleagues.

The three conspirators sat in the den, Axel and Demyx stuffing their faces with leftovers, while Roxas stared at them in a mixture of amusement and awe. "You two," he said, "are fucking crazy."

Demyx preened and Axel glared at him. "It's all Dem's fault."

The musician shook his head and patted Axel on the back. "Come on, don't be modest. I couldn't have done it without you."

Roxas giggled at his lover's consternated expression. "You wanna tell me what all the yelling was about?"

Demyx visibly wilted, even his hair losing some of its volume. "It didn't sound realistic?"

"No; the opposite." Roxas flushed slightly. "It sounded a little _too_ real, actually."

"Ooh, good."

"So…?"

"That," Axel mumbled around a mouth-full of roast beef, "was also his fault."

"You were yelling too, you know." The musician grinned devilishly.

"Like I was gonna let you show me up."

"Crazy," Roxas repeated, shaking his head.

"But it worked, didn't it?" Demyx bounced with excitement. "He was pissed wasn't he, Rox?"

"Oh yeah. You should've seen the look on his face." The blonde laughed and shook his head. "I thought he was gonna have a stroke."

Demyx howled with glee. "Awesome!" He popped a cold biscuit into his mouth.

"What about the others?" Axel asked nervously. "Was Xemnas pissed?"

Roxas's mouth twitched. "Erm, no, not really. More like…horny."

Axel choked. "W-what?"

"Ew." Demyx made a face.

"Yeah…" Roxas snorted. "I had to sit by him during lunch. I almost pissed my pants every time he looked at me."

"Ew," the Nocturne repeated firmly.

"And, uh, Axel…if I were you, I'd avoid being alone with Saïx for a while, okay? He was kind of…um…I don't really wanna go into it…"

Axel whimpered.

Demyx made a purring sound and wiggled his eyebrows at the Flurry.

"No," the redhead told him, a sick look on his face. "No way."

"I bet he's _wild _in the bedroom…"

"No way in _hell_."

Roxas burst into a fit of giggles. "As long as you two have known each other, you've never even _thought_ about it?" he teased.

"_No_, I haven't."

"_I_ have," Demyx murmured dreamily. "I bet if I was a naughty boy, he'd give me a spanking…"

Roxas giggled harder.

Demyx's eyes unfocused and his voice became slightly husky. "Or maybe he'd tie me up and flog me 'til I screamed…"

Axel pointed his spoon at the Nocturne. "Sicko."

Demyx stuck his tongue out, displaying various half-chewed food stuffs. "You're just jealous of my creativity."

"So," the Flurry quickly changed the subject, "what about the rest of the Organization?"

"Apparently Marluxia is now your biggest fan…"

Axel groaned.

"Vexen will probably try to avoid the two of you for the next few days…"

"Well, that's one good thing that's come out of this," the redhead muttered.

"Larxene might not mess with you for the rest of the week…"

"Yay!"

"Luxord and Xaldin may invite you to a foursome…"

"Yay!" Demyx said again. Axel smacked him on the back of the head.

"Zexion—and, by extension, Lexaeus—will probably give you the cold shoulder…"

"And that's different than usual, how?" Axel asked sarcastically.

"And, speaking of Zexion, you wanna tell me why he said he could _smell _you two doing it?"

"…What?"

"Really?" Demyx looked excited. "That's great!"

"No, no it's _not_!"

"Yeah, it is! It gives us credibility!"

Roxas poked his lover in the arm, one of his eyebrows raised. "Explain?"

Axel pointed to Demyx. "Again, his fault."

Roxas raised the other eyebrow. "Care to explain exactly _how_ it's his fault?"

Axel cleared his throat. "'If we're actually turned on, it'll sound more real,'" he mimicked Demyx's voice disturbingly well.

Roxas's eyes narrowed. "How did you _get_ turned on?"

"We were hard before we started," Demyx told him.

Roxas stared at them for a moment before he burst out laughing.

Axel glowered and shoveled barely-warm macaroni and cheese into his mouth. "By the way, how horny is 'horny?' Should I avoid being alone with Xemnas too, or…?"

Roxas thought for a moment. "Yeah, probably. And…um…don't be alone with the two of them at the same time."

He groaned again, head flopping into his hands. "I'm gonna be gang-banged! You owe me _big time_," he hissed at Demyx.

Demyx hummed and nibbled on his own piece of roast beef. "I know; we've covered it already, remember? Now, let's talk about what we're doing next."

His head jerked up. "'Doing next?' What the hell is does _that_ mean?"

Demyx rolled his eyes. "Xigbar might be jealous, but I don't think he's jealous _enough_. He hasn't begged me to come back to him yet."

"You're going to make me do this until he begs for you to come back to him? Are you serious? Dem, I can't just—It's not—Roxas—"

"But you _promised_!"

Axel flopped against the couch with another low groan.

Roxas started giggling again. "Let me know when the next performance is, huh?"

Axel stared at him. "Uh, what?"

The blonde grinned. "Well the last one was _so_ entertaining, I'd like to sit in on another."

"And _we're_ the crazy ones," he said with a snort of disbelief.

Demyx beamed. "If Roxas is okay with it…"

The redhead groaned again. "Yeah, okay. Fine. I'll do it. But you owe me a favor for every time we fake-fuck, got it?"

"Sure thing, dude! You won't regret this!"

Defeated, Axel flopped back onto the couch. _The hell I won't._

To be continued…

A/N: For some reason, my head-cannon Demyx is a slut. And an exhibitionist. He's a slut who knows he's a slut—and is proud of it. And even though he and Axel aren't actually doing it, Dem totally gets off on everyone else thinking they're doing it, especially Xigbar. Weirdly, one of my friends told me that she thought my version of Demyx was very cannon. I'm more than slightly disturbed.


End file.
